Some time ago I began learning to become conscious while dreaming at night. I write down my dreams as I have done several times before, but this time with a very strong intention of continuing, so that I can enter deeper into the dreams.
After some weeks I thought 'This is not fruitful, I will never learn it', but still I continued. Then one morning while I was recording yet another dream where I had not been conscious, I remembered another dream from many days ago. 'Holy shit' I said out loud; in this dream I was aware that I was dreaming and I acted according to my own consciousness will in the dream, I have already achieved what I am trying to do.
It is well known that nothing of truth can be repeated so in the next days I didn't 'try' to do it again, I just keep recording my dreams.
Then, on another morning, not too long after, the truth dawned on me. A truth that I already knew, of course, we know all truth, we just have to realize it.
It is not in my sleeping hours which is a dream, it is my 'awake' hours which is a dream. In my sleeping hours my intelligence moves much faster and it has a much vaster reservoir of knowledge to draw on, that's why it's so hard to remember my 'sleeping' hours in my 'awake' hours, because my mind is more dull and covered by the entire set of experiences acquired since I was born.
That set is what we call my 'my self' and my life is about erasing the effects of living while still being in a body, so it has a purpose, a sacred purpose.
No wonder that it turned out empty when I became a scholar.
No wonder that it seemed empty when I became a businessman.
No wonder that it seemed empty when I found out that I lived my life for my kids, parents, husband, wife or someone else, and not for me.
No wonder that The Matrix is such an inspiring movie because it is the truth.
No wonder that Avatar is such an inspiring movie because it shows what we are when we awake from the sleep of living.
No wonder that it seemed empty when I became an artist.
No wonder that it seemed empty when I became the prime minister.
No wonder that it seemed empty when I became successful.
No wonder that the only thing I find full is to Be.
This is not to belittle anything I do in my life. I can do anything as long as I enjoy it. That is the test, I have to enjoy it. To Love and free my being from emotional luggage while doing anything I enjoy, that is my life.
Only now is real.
Any memory, emotion, book or thought is in the past, there is no truth in the past.
If I mourn my dead father I am in the past, dishonouring my Love for my father. Instead I sense the Love for him in my body, then he is with me and we can talk.
True impersonal Love is not a feeling. Love lies just next to truth. Impersonal Love is 'cold' like Truth, unyielding, ruthless. Personal love is trying to get something, some warmth or excitement.
So I dream my days in joyousness but now I am a conscious dreamer, a day-walker, a night-walker, a dream-walker.
I am a dreamer